Another one...

Let's start with how my day went.... I didn't really do much because my body was aching from work and I just didn't feel right today. I mostly stayed in my room. I guess I am just most comfortable here. Not having any money or friends is really tough on me right now. It is a a harsh reality that as of right now I am not really going anywhere. But I won't give up. My heart is strong and I won't stop trying to do something I love. I will get myself out there at some point and when I do I am going to share all of me with the world.

Just a few minutes ago, I asked my stepmom if I could go out and she said no because I did nothing all day. Which is completely true, and I forgot to do the one chore I was supposed to do today (a first time forgetting it but whatever). So now she says she is "done" with me and the only time I can use the car is to go back and forth to work. Whatever.

So now I am sitting here having a good cry. To me there is nothing wrong with that. Sad crying gets everything that has been building up out, and I haven't had one of those in a while. Mostly I have been crying because someone has inspired me, those are nice but these kind of cries make me feel good. Sounds kind of sick but I like the pain. Anyway, I wrote a song from this.. doesn't make much sense but it's how I feel right now.

Can't Take It

All this pain inside
All these tears I've cried
What did I ever do to you?
I know I don't belong
And you obviously don't want me
But do you have to be so harsh?

Chorus
I need a new home
Somewhere I am happy
Were everyone really loves me
And my heart isn't in pain
I hope I find is soon
Because I just can't take it anymore

I'm scared one day I will wake up
And you will really tell me off
What did I do now?
I'm always on high alert
And hearing you yell make sme crazy
How do I make it stop?

Chorus

So I sit in my room alone
I'm way to scared to leave
What should I do now?
Sometimes my heart tells me it is all okay
But I know the truth now
This isn't the place for me

I dunno... Sometimes I just write and don't really try to make it work but it does..